Dawnstar - ThunderClan

[Punky]

Name: Dawnstar

Gender: She-cat

Clan: ThunderClan

Position/Age: 24 moons, ThunderClan leader

Appearance:She has a dark grey pelt with light silver speckles running from the sides of her face all the way to the tip of her tail. She also has white on her paws(courtesy of her father) and chest.She is a very small she-cat which adds to her swiftness and her fighting skills. Compared to her petite body and head she has an abnormally long tail witch gives her an awesome sense of balance. Also in addition to her stream-lined, tiny build it is natural that she has very small paws, It is also uncanny that she can sneak up right behind her prey and not make a single sound. This makes her a deadly and efficient hunter. But all pales in comparison to her beautiful spear-shaped head witch is also tiny like the rest of her body. Her gorgeous eyes are truly a sight to behold. They are ice blue like the palest of glacier ice. and the steel grey flecks complement them beautifully.Her nose and pads of her paws are pitch-black(thanks to mom)witch complement her dark grey pelt. But fate has been cruel to this little she-cat leaving her with an ugly scar running from the middle of her spine to the middle of her back led. Her ears are regular sized, siting normal where most cats are. her ears have thick tufts on their peak. Giving her a wild appearance.

Personality: Because of her bloody past she is very,very shy to new cats. But it helped her in ways training with a master never could. It gave her hate and anger beyond belief. she has such a large amount of hatred for such a little cat. But her nature is on the tender side. she loves to play and nurture other cats kits. That is why, most often she is chosen as a baby-sitter for the kits while the parents are out hunting. She has a big heart and welcomes strays or rouges into her clan(but she is very apprehensive whilst doing so.)

History: She was born in river clan in leaf-bare, she was always the smallest. her parents Solpelt (dad) and Rainpaw (mother) where always so proud of their kits. her siblings Angelkit swiftkit and thornkit where probably the smartest kits born to their father. but one cool evening in green-leaf a few lone warriors thought it would be fun to murder the new arrivals, since their own kits where not getting as much attention. two of the lone warriors caused a ruckus outside of Riverclan camp. the whole clan (excluding Solpelt and Rainpaw) went to see what was going on. The other two Mousetail and Fernwhisker, went to attack the kits, But they didn't know that Solpelt was guarding them. Their plan hinged on Solpelt running off with the clan but they where wrong, dead wrong. Solpelt fought Mousetail and Fernwhisker, But ended up getting knocked out. and Rainwhisker clawed,bit and fought for her kits lives unfortunately River face grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and threw her against the wall of the nursery, knocking her out as well. UN guarded the kits began to squeal for their parents to wake up but it was too late Mousetail,Fernwhisker and Riverface murdered two of the three kits and ran off with Dawnkit. While Mousetail,Fernwhisker and Riverface where walking back to their clan, Dawnkit managed to squeeze out of Mousetail's jaws and try to hobble back to her clan, but not without sustaining a life-threating gash from the middle of her back to the middle of her back leg, leaving bone and muscle exposed. For the next three weeks her parents went searching for her but never succeeded. One bright sunny moring in green-leaf Silvermist, Thunderclan's medicine cat found Dawnkit in a clump of holly, shivering,bleeding,and close to death. Silvermist fought back tears as she picked up Dawnkit and brought her back to thunder clan. six weeks later in leaf-bare she awoke to see Silvermists worried face and Snowpelts gentle nudging. "m-m-mom?" Dawnkit breathed. Silvermist's face lit-up like a fourth of July firecracker, her kind eyes filled with tears as she assured Dawnkit everything was OK.
As Dawnkit grew from kitten to cat she was loved. Her fighting skills exceeded the apprentice level. Even rouges began to fear this little warrior. She was pretty much set for life being a very powerful apprentice. But it was at her warrior ceremony that she saw the one thing that made her shake with a rage so powerful it was not to be believed. there sitting in front of her at great rock where her family's killers. Mousetail,Fernwhisker and Riverface. That did it. She jumped off the rock like somebody had thrown her off and Landed right on Mousetail's smug face. Leaving her master Oakpelt just to look after her in utter horror and fear. The air whooshed out of Mousetails lungs as she hit the ground with a sickening thwack. Dawnpaw's teeth and claws raked into Mousetail's body and neck. She screamed for her mate Riverface to help her. But he just stood there frozen with fear. Fernwhisker jumped on Dawnpaws back but she shrugged him off. Dawnpaws jaws sought and found Mousetails neck and chomped down crushing her windpipe and shattering her neck bone. The entire clan watched in utter horror as the bloody war raged on. Mousetails struggles became weak and her mews turned out to be more glutteral sounds. Finally Mousetail's body became weak as she was suffocated. When that was over Dawnpaw turned to face Fernwhisker and Riverface. Their fear scent enveloped the camp. their tails went between their legs and their ears flat against their skulls as the stared at Dawnpaw's mouth. She was panting heavily and saliva was mixed with blood as it oozed down her sharp canine teeth. She let out a feral snarl as she took one step closer to the murders. the two remaining cats Fernwhisker and Riverface shot off into the forest with Dawnpaw hot on their heels. The only thing the clan heard was hissing and alot of wet ripping sounds and leaves rustling in the bush. After about five minutes Dawnpaw emerged from the bush. dried blood matted her fur as she hobbled back into the clearing. But thats not What made Oakpelt shudder or Silvermist turn into Snowpelts shoulder whispering "oh no". It was her scar. The ugly scar had opened up and was bleeding something fierce. She turned to her clanmates, gave then a weak smile and collapsed in the clearing...
Dawnfire(warrior name) was a very helpful, and strong warrior but she was only a warrior for a short time before she became the clans deputy. Dawnfire's efforts as deputy was a huge success. She drove out cat's from other clans and rouges. But she just couldn't drive out loners and kittypets. But soon the clan leader became ill. and soon later he died. Dawnfire was so sad he was like a father to her. But the day she became leader she fell in love with Eaglefeather the clans new deputy. his chocolate brown fur and black spots made her feel like she was glowing. he flashed her a smile and they knew at that moment they would be perfect for each other.
Family Members: Deceased

IC Example Post: Dawnstar rubbed aganst her mate Eaglefeather's fur, filling her nose with his sweet scent. Eaglefeather's tongue caressed her ear as she let a low purr slip through her mouth. "Good morning Dawnstar"
She looked up to face his dark amber eyes he was probably twice her size. easily. He was staring down at her with a look deep concern. "What??"
"That is an ugly scar you have there"
She sighed. "would you please stop" she chided gently.
"Fine" his deep throaty meow
reminded her of her father. She smiled and stood up to stretch. Dawnstars fur was matted heavily from moss and mud. She was acting like a kit yesterday when it was raining.
"Your pelt is a mess"
"I know Eaglefeather. i know" she sat down and began to lick the unsightly debris from her shimmering dark Grey fur.

Rules Password: May StarClan guide your soul

[Admin]

OKAY, well I have... many comments.
First off, you need full sentences for all of the bio. You also need a lot more in her history (as in you actually need to write one! Every cat has a history, even if they themselves don't know it. As her roleplayer, you have to know so that you can figure out how she would act, based on what happened to her) and personality. Tweak the appearance, and that should be okay.

Also... you need an IC post (IC stands for in character- this is where you type up an example post to showcase how you would roleplay. I'll talk to you more about it at school ^^)
And Punky.... you absolutely MUST have the rules password, which you can find in the rules board!!! I know it's your first time roleplaying, so I'll give you a hint as to how to find it- READ THE RULES!
Try checking out some of the other bio's in the accepted board, just to get a sense of what to do.

I'll fix your coding up for you... it's a little jumbled! xD

--Kiyana

[Chichi]

I think that the history is good but you need to have some history about her as an apprentice and warrior and deputy. You also need lots more in the appearance and personality and IC example. Then just fix up the grammar mistakes and you are good to go!

[Admin]

Much better than before ^^

But like Chichi said- Spelling/grammar needs to be fixed for one thing. And you need FULL sentences for appearance... Try adding in the length and luster of her fur.
Don't forget, her personality must also be longer. As in 4 sentences minimum. Describe her outlook on life, her pet peeves! Something like that.
With the IC post- I like it, but I suggest adding in how she and her mate are talking, and what Dawnstar is feeling. But year, other than that the IC example is great! =^.^=

Rules password too, please!!!!!!!!

--Kiyana

[Admin]

You iz improving. There are still a few spelling/grammar mistakes, and your IC post is still a bit short, but I'll let that slide, seeing how you have so little time now what with your dad and everything....

The only thing I won't let go is the rules password. You got the wrong one! Unless it has changed without my knowledge, but since I'm the only one with the power to modify the rules thread it musn't have... Just read the rules, Punkyspikes! If you must know, its somewhere around the 2nd and 3rd rules!

--Kiyana

[Chichi]

I like what you've done but Kiyana is right, you do need the rules password. And for the history you need stuff about her as a warrior, leader, deputy. Other than that, it's good.

[Admin]

There you go, that's the rules password I was looking for!
Like Chichi said, you still need to add in her life as a warrior, then deputy, and what it was like becoming a leader. You can keep it really brief though, don't worry! A couple sentences should do just fine. I'll talk to you more about it at school (if I see you...)

--Kiyana

[Chichi]

Okayyyy, it is really good now but you just need to fix up some spelling and grammar mistakes. I think that the grammar stuff is really important because it sometimes gets hard to read without it. Advice: Get spell check! Spell check can be your best friend. And capitalization is the same.
Kiyana! Can I accept this bio if you're not on and it's good?